Being thankful & Making it work (#55)

Happy Turkey Weekend, lovelies!

In the spirit of the holiday and this blog, I've decided to first post a little inventory on the many things I am thankful for this year.

A little under a year ago, I was miserable. My health wasn't in a good place, I was unemployed and aimless, endometric pain dictated what I couldn't and could do, and I was in an unhappy relationship (although there's no need to take to a public blog and talk much about that - my mama taught me better than that - and I hope the party involved is genuinely happy now.) I was not living life to its fullest potential and I did not feel good about myself.

Did I mention I had H1N1? I totally had H1N1.

By the end of the year, I vowed that 2010 would be different. I wanted to feel okay with myself and my life journey - whatever that would entail. I swore that I would make an effort to take better care of myself, dive into a career (by literally just asking), and start to appreciate the wonderful things I have a little bit more.

I am not only thankful for, but truly blessed in having such truly spectacular friendships. I have the honour of knowing so many compassionate, creative, funny and kind human beings that have let me into their lives and have made me feel comfortable enough to let into mine. This year, I've had the good fortune of maintaining such strong friendships while re-kindling a few from the past AND making new ones, whether from work or play. It might sound naive, but knowing and befriending such positive people continues to make me believe in goodness and natural humanity; by association, it is a constant inspiration to be the best person I can while always challenging my concept of self.

I am thankful for my beautiful and strong mother. She makes me feel like it's okay to be who I am, even when I don't believe it. She has endured so much in her life and yet she always puts others before herself. Nerdy as it may be, I secretly love that I'm becoming just like her - bookworm-y and all.

I am thankful for the employment opportunities I've had this year and the great benefits they provided. While working at the Young Centre was by no means the start of a career for me, I met some truly fabulous artists and friends there, had the opportunity to see *free* theatre, and worked in an encouraging environment. Also, teaching children musical theatre was something I never thought I'd ever do, but I quickly saw how inspired they were by music and performing, and as a result, loved every minute of it. I loved being someone these tiny humans could rely on, learn from, and talk to. AND, since kids really do say the darn-dest things, it was pretty hilarious too.

I am thankful for the career path I am starting on and to my employer. She took a chance on a girl who just randomly emailed her late one night, asking for an internship. By no means is this job easy or glamourous, but I love struggling and learning and feeling like I'm contributing to an ever-evolving industry. I also feel like I'm putting my degree to work, which is better than using it as a coaster, as originally intended.

I am thankful for the outlets of artistic expression I've enjoyed. Acting in two shows, directing two others, and starting to write my fourth play has been fulfilling in a way I didn't think possible. I was thrilled to work with so many amazing, humble artists who all came together in each different project to make it the greatest it could possibly be.

I am thankful for my health, beyond any physical ailment. In regards to emotional and psychological well-being, I feel I'm in a good place. Moreso than ever, I like what I see in the mirror; I am getting comfortable with my imperfections and flaws, as they make me ...me. I may strive to always be better and as a result, belittle myself, but at the end of the day, I know I try my best to be good and kind and enjoy my existence and I know that's what matters in the end.

I am thankful for moments. Those moments of realization or feeling that this thing, whatever it may be, is so significant, so enjoy it. A moment of comfort, or of knowing how really fortunate you are, or how your life will never be the same. Those moments of connection with people - friends, strangers, whoever - where you don't feel alone, but understood and inspired. Those moments, I'm thankful for.

Now, I hope this doesn't seem boastful. I'm thankful for the heaping doses I seem to endure - willingly or otherwise - on a daily basis. But, should I ever be sad or angry or doubtful, I need to remind myself that I have a ton of reasons to just breathe and smile and continue my day.

So...that's my inventory. Thanks for lis...reading?

Anyways.

So what exactly is #55 and how does it tie into being thankful? Well...you may think it's a stretch but...

#55: Learn to strut in high heels

"Oh Grilled Cheesus", you think. Here was this post that started so beautifully for once and it's about to spiral into non-sequitur logic about Louboutins...

Well, no. Let's go back. A year ago, heels and me, we weren't friends. Not only did I despise the way my legs looked, I couldn't walk across the room without wobbling. Heels bring out that that sexy, confident side of a woman that I would argue I just don't have. Heels are for girls who know what they want, know they look good, and don't mind heads turning when they strut into a room. Marisa? Nah.

But you fake it until you make it. This year has presented a lot of opportunities to pretty myself up and put myself out there. And while I wouldn't attribute clubbing or dating to personal change, they've both inspired me to start seeing myself in a different way and, more importantly, that given the right context, to accept that it is totally okay to be that sexy, confidant woman who struts into the room.

So I don't wobble anymore. And while I certainly don't want to be the spotlight in the room - more often than not, you will catch me with my head down while strutting - I am learning that it's okay to be who I am in my skin. To be who I am in my own heels. (*DRUM BEAT!* Hiyoooo).

Obviously, I'm still my nerdy, quirky self...but if you see me at the club...don't think I won't strut on by you and smile.

Happy Turkey/Tofurkey nom-noms, everyone!

<3,

m