#59. Throw a charity Christmas party.

Or a Christmas fundraiser. Or a good-will dance party. However you want to word it.

I previously blogged about the beginning stages of throwing what would become "Claus and a Cause", a fundraiser for the Canadian Women's Foundation. I fretted d that no one would show up and those that would were destined to quickly U-turn it outta there. (What can I say? I'm a natural at worrying.)

I once posed the question here, "If I throw it, will they come?"

And the answer is : Yes. In droves.

On Dec. 16th, 2010, I happily completed #59 with assistance from some of the most wonderful and generous people around. From the DJ to the poster-designer to the venue manager, everyone pitched in time, resources, and ultimately, the green, to ensure that national campaigns that aim to help women and children continue to get the funding they deserve.

To date, this number has been the biggest challenge and the biggest payoff, spiritually and financially. In a matter of a few hours, 1,134.60 was raised for the CWF. What's just as important is that everyone who came through the doors of The Boat seemed to have a rad time, which was just as important to me as raising funds for the charity. If people are going to open their wallets and their hearts for you, you better give them a blast!

It was greatly in part to the amazing music, courtesy of my friend Adam. Also, the abundance of sweets baked by Shannon and Chantal definitely contributed to the fun, house party feel of the night.

It's been over a week since the fundraiser and I have not stopped feeling so grateful for the friends I have. I could not have done this without their support and generousity. I was congratulated on throwing a successful night, but I know it could never have happened without everyone who showed up or helped out. This may have been my idea but the success of the night was due to every single person there.

If there is one thing I am consistently grateful for, it is the relationships I have with people. I know I get all goofy and gushy about it and am willing to vocalize it much more than is socially proper, but I can't help it. I love for my friends. Whether or not they realize it, they have helped me through many a trying time. They are truly the best and I owe much of my own happiness to them.

As of two days ago, the funds were couriered and received by the Foundation, who expressed their own gratitude. Erin, one of three kind women who helped to guide me through it, made my heart swell with her thank-you email: "Our work could not be possible without the support of people just like you and your friends."

It felt good knowing that I had helped to contribute to a charity who fights for the same things I do on a daily basis. One day I might take to here to explain what the personal connection is, but for now, it is enough to know that something important was done last Thursday. Something important AND fun.

So it is with great pride that I check off number 59. I will never, ever forget it.

Now, just which one should I do next to top this?

<3,

m

Mission. Accomplished.

Geez, when I say I'm disappearing for a few days, I really mean I'm disappearing for a few days.

OH HI EVERYONE

Please pardon the absence, I have spent the past month and bit splitting my time between working and focussing on the completion of a couple of list items. And oh boy, oh boy, were they accomplished to the extreme.

Before I begin to speak of a few successes, I think I need to publicly admonish myself first. I have been slacking on a couple of numbers, and #89 (publicly blogging about the progress of the list) has certainly been one of them. BAD MARISA. A half-assed post about Darren Criss will no longer suffice! It doesn't matter how dreamy he is!

Anyways. Just another moment of me kicking my blog caboose into high gear.

#44. Improve my French.

So I somewhat took this to the extreme. Who has the time and money to actually enroll in a language class when I can go to Montreal instead?

Okay, so financially, my decision didn't make the most sense, but it ended up being much more of a life-lesson than a chance to complete a number. Let's back up a bit though...

My French, c'est terrible. Embarrassingly so. The majority of my girlfriends are quite fluent in the language; and if not fluent in that one, fluent in another. I've always admired bilingualism and, while Pig Latin is a great party trick when you're 8, it just won't cut it when you're 24 and looking to become a little more cultured.

This realization aside, I decided to make a sudden announcement at work after a particularly hectic day of reading bad scripts: I wanted to get out of town for a few days.

"Oh fun! Where to?" asked the Boss.

I hemmed, and hawed. I didn't know where. I just wanted a break from the office routine, despite all the exciting calls from hyper agents and producers alike. I wanted to go be by myself and get out of my skin while all the while learning what's under my skin. Not a heavy order at all, right?

"MONTREAL!" I announced. Of course! Montreal. Amazing, fancy, freezing Montreal. It was decided. I would go by myself to have fun on my own terms while hopefully utilizing another conversational winner than "Ou es le biblioteque?" "Le biblioteque est dans l'enfant." "Quoi? L'enfant mange le biblioteque?" "Oui." ( Listen, I have weird friends, okay...)

Besides, Montreal is beautiful and so is everyone who resides there. Legitimately. With this knowledge, I knew I would have to pack my most luxurious winter gear (re: turtlenecks).

The Fairmont in Montreal was having a decent winter sale (y'know, since its Montreal...in winter) and I booked my ViaRail tickets well in advance. The prospect was all very well and exciting to me as I had never taken a mini-break by myself nor taken the train. And no, I don't live in a bubble, just there are a bunch of things I've yet to experience in life! I had visited Montreal plenty of times with family when I was younger but this would be the first solo visit without any sort of plan. Before I left, my friend Shannon helped me learn a few key phrases so I didn't look like a total idiot as I bumbled my way through the city, including Je voudrais pratiquer ma francais, donc, si vous plait, parle en francais pour moi and Ma vocabulaire n'est pas la meilleure- the latter of which I used quite a bit.

This was my room. I thought the hotel staff would soon discover I was staying by myself and kick me out, Home Alone style. Then I remembered I was an adult and had a real credit card and stuff.

I wish I could write here about all the neat, exciting, and life-threatening shenanigans I got up to Montreal, but to be perfectly honest, all I did was shop, eat, and sleep. By my standards, this was the vacation I truly needed. I didn't do any touristy things - heck, the only photos I took were of my room and a couple of meals. I wanted to immerse myself in the city, and if that meant shopping at Simon's and exploring the underground city instead of checking out the cathedrals and Biodome, then so be it. It also meant that as I walked into store (after store after store), I was greeted and told all sorts of promotional deals - IN FRENCH. That's right. They couldn't smell the Anglophone off of me!

For the most part, I found myself understanding what was said - it was the communicating back that was difficult. I stepped into an American Eagle one morning and after the initial bonjours were exchanged, the peppy salesgirl spoke to me in a flurry of francais that seemed to last for 5 minutes. Embarrassed, I hung my head in shame and admitted "Sorry, my French is terrible. C'est terrible." She laughed and surprisingly looked embarrassed herself. "Oh! But your accent was so good!"

I beamed. Sure, I know it's probably because she wanted a sweet commission, but it still made me feel great!

I learned that I'm shy in new social situations where there's a potential communication barrier, a fact about myself that I didn't consider before. Shy. As in, crippling shy. Perhaps this is why I often choked on Shannon's phrases and resorted back to English. Luckily, those I talked to didn't mind speaking back en Anglais and were happy to shut down any theory that I was making a total jackass of myself.

All in all, it was a great, beautifully quiet trip. It gave me enough time for a lot on introspective thinking as well as the chance to look at all the pretty in Simon's. I was also blessed to meet up with a dear friend and see him act in some amazing theatre (www.igettowritemytripoff.com)

Montreal is just what this little soul needed. I'm not quite sure if my education of the French language improved, but I'd say throwing myself into an unfamiliar scenario and learning how to express myself, in either language, was success enough.

Do you smell that?

Hmm..it smells like..

A BONUS POST!

Disappearing for a few days...

...all in the name of the project!

But where-oh-where are my shenanigans taking me this time? Well, you'll find out soon enough.

I ch-ch-choose you!

Be back soon, with tons of photos and anecdotes in tow.

If you haven't checked out "Claus and a Cause", please do so! The CWF approved my poster (made by the wonderful T. Gregory Argall), press releases have started to go out and the decor/costumes have been bought. Step by step it's all coming together.

I hope to see you there.

<3,

m

78. Have a cute boy serenade me. (Or, "Rock Out With Your Cop-Out!")

Because this very well could be perceived as a cop-out, especially after days of blog negligence. Such abandonment is particularly heinous since its still the month of NaBloPoMo. Oh blog, don't worry. I've just been busy planning my super exciting fundraiser. So do not fret, not-so-private online confidante. I'll never leave you. Never. I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. Baby, I can change!

Ahem. Anyways.

You might have to suspend disbelief for this one. Then again, if you know me well, suspending disbelief in kinda par for the course.

I've developed something of a celebrity crush. Actually, it's more so a celebrity crush in a specific moment.Before I explain, meet the lovely Darren Criss. He's the typical actor-singer-guy-with-a-guitar who just got his big break on Fox's "GLEE" and at this point the rest of my sentence just kinda trails off as his jpeg loads and I start to get distrasjfv3e!22

I'M BACK. Sorry.

Let's face it, he's cute. And mixed too. We could have super cute mixed babies together, thus leading to the continuation of "WAT RACE R U?" my favourite game played by strangers trying to know me.

But this is a blog dedicated to personal growth. While it's very easy to see why one would be grateful for something so easy on the eyes, what the heck does his prettiness have to do with knocking off a number on my list?

Well, it doesn't have anything to do with it, necessarily. It's a contributing factor.

You see, the other week, I landed on an episode of GLEE. Now, I have a love-hate relationship with this show. I was one of its biggest fans when it first came out. I went to an arts high school so I can definitely appreciate the idea of bursting out into choreographed song and dance. I enjoyed that this group was a team of underdogs and rebels. I loved the sharp characterizations and the witty dialogue, not to mention the fantastic song choices.

As the second season started up, it was clear that the show had ignored its own successful formula. Plot lines became too ridiculous, even for a musical episodic. Character development was ignored in favour for celebrity appearances. And simply put, the lovely teacher protagonist turned into a big douche.

But for one mere episode (or at least, one small plotline), the show seemed to remember what had made it work in the first place: heart. Let's face it, you got have a lot of passion to start singing in public in the first place.

Long synopsis short, one of the main characters is bullied for being gay. In the meantime, he's asked to do reconnaissance work and spy on a rival glee club from another school. With the help of a giant plot hole, he somehow manages to sneak into the school as a new student where he's met by the school's alpha-cool acapella leader (played by Darren Criss) who serenades him with the power of awesomeness. (And Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", a pop-tart I wouldn't necessarily describe as awesome, but Criss's rendition of her work sure is.)

"Marisa, this is really great and all, but I find it really tragic that your blog now reads like unsnarky televisionwithoutpity snark."

Okay, okay, still with me? Ready to shelve that disbelief ?

There's something so incredibly beautiful that Darren Criss does in his rendition that makes my little heart swell. I'm not sure if its because I think it's a refreshing change of portrayed sincerity in a GLEE performance. I'm not sure if it's because of the context and the inspiration it gives to a character who so clearly is struggling to be accepted. I'm not sure if it's a calculated move on the showrunners to melt the hearts of Ice Queen bloggers everywhere by catapulting the star of A Harry Potter Musical into fame. Probably the last one. But anyways, and I say this with my nose crinkling out of bashfulness, when I watch this clip of Darren singing, I feel like he's singing to me.

Oops, the Disbelief Shelf just fell off the wall.

YEAH YEAH YEAH. I know what I typed. I know I just admitted on a public blog that I am so filled with joy from a melodramatic television show that I want to throw a dance party in my room. I recognize the hilarity of being so wonderfully flustered by both a character who does not exist and a moment that never happened. I get it. But there's something so sweet and endearing about his performance that makes me smile everytime I watch it. Also, it's such an incredibly catchy rendition of the song - it makes me want to dance it out! I'm grateful for my ineloquence here because what it really comes down to is that this song makes me happy.

Now, I'm not going to lie. When I wrote "78. Have a cute boy serenade me", I imagined convincing some Chris Pine lookalike to whip out a guitar at a coffee house and publicly serenade me with Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes". How I would convince him, I wasn't entirely clear. But..what would be the point? To feel somehow personally justified that someone publicly declared affection for me in song? Really, Marisa? That's a goal?

How about instead coming to terms with that goofy, romantic side of you that isn't afraid to admit that "Yes. I am goofy and romantic and that is okay!"? How about publicly acknowledging when things make you happy, even if you know that others may not be successful in suspending disbelief or judgement for your reasoning? Now, how's that for personal growth?

I'm posting the clip of Darren singing "Teenage Dream" because frankly, I like it, it makes me happy, and I think he's cute.

Man, I should've just let that sentence encapsulate this entire blog post. Oh well. Live and learn.

Oh, and this is my new ringtone so...I guess this really does complete my number!

<3,

m

"If you build it, they will come."

Or, "If I throw it, will anyone show up?"

#59. Throw a charity Christmas party.

Tonight, via Facebook, I revealed what the Mystery Event Formerly Known as Dec. 23rd But Actually Is Dec.16 is: it's a party. A do-good, feel-good party. A party that will aim to raise money for the Canadian Women's Foundation (cdnwomen.org). A party that I hope will end off an extremely successful year of fun, learning, and an abundance of personal growth.

On Thurs. Dec. 16th, I'm throwing a dance party fundraiser at The Boat in Kensington Market. My friend DJ Cool Adam (a.k.a Adam) is spinning great music from VINYL. There'll be baked goods, prizes, funny costumes to try on, mistletoe headbands, and much, much more.

I received my approval from the CWF today and nearly jumped out of my skin with joy. Prevention of violence against women is a cause that is close to my heart and, in recent years, has grown more and more important to me. The CWF helps to fund so many fantastic initiatives; in Ontario alone, they support programs that provide loans to women who are leaving abusive relationships, help mothers rebuild their lives after violence and after their children have witnessed violence, assist female youth who may be at risk of involvement in the sex trade industry, and many, many other issues. The foundation supports campaigns for women of all cultures, creeds, sexual orientations, languages and abilities. Heck, of COURSE I will raise money for them!

The CWF also starts issuing tax receipts at $10 so that's extra fantastic. Also, it seems to be run by cool people. An extra bonus.

But this is the part where I cross my fingers. I will plan and shop and budget and decorate and advertise to my heart's content, but the success of the evening depends on others. I just have to work hard and be prepared for the night, no matter want.

I want this to be a success. I really do. I planned for this entry to be longer and more detailed, but I'm just so nervous as it is. I've released the kraken. Here we go, folks.

And if you've stumbled upon this little blog entry, I hope to see you there on the 16th!

<3,

m

HARK! I HATH BIRTHED GENIUS

#43. Paint a canvas.

Before I begin, I'd like to to introduce Jo.

Blog, meet Jo.

Jo, blog.

Beyond having extraordinarily good taste in 60's inspired fashion for murder mystery fundraisers, Jo's a super talented visual artist. She also has a bunch of othergreat qualities but this isn't a dating site, so I'm not going to bother with them. Its her artistry that I pretty much used to my advantage.

I can't quite put into words the level of her skill, so instead I'll use a visual aid to exemplify her level of talent:

This is mine:

Naturally, Jo was the ideal person to help me with this number.

I've always wanted to learn to paint but I knew it took time, effort, precision and innate talent that I just don't possess. Looking back on the list, I'm so glad I didn't write "MASTER THE VISUAL ARTS" and instead made things simple for myself. Marisa, you shall paint a canvas, and should you be lucky enough to have the right help, it shall be good.

There's a certain meditative quality that painting provides which I'm drawn to. (Get it? Drawn?) The fact that you have an idea in your head that can be made real and tangible is an exciting creative force. As someone who grew up with theatre arts, I can respect that. I'm also a little jealous that painting seems to be a little less neuroses-inducing...although I'm sure it can be oodles frustrating. To sum up, this number found its way onto my list because it was something I always wanted to do. When it came to art, I had written many decent words in my adulthood but had never painted a single darn thing.

Perhaps this can be attributed to Grade 4 art class in private school where the art teacher's guidance would more or less be something like this:

HER: "Oh. I see you're using that blue for your ocean."

9 YEAR OLD SELF: "Yeah! Gosh, painting is fun!"

HER: "That's nice. That's not a decision I'd make. But what do I know? I'VE ONLY HAD MY WORK EXHIBITED AT 100s OF GALLERIES ACROSS THE PROVINCE FOR THE PAST DECADE. CLEARLY, I MUST BE AN AMATEUR. BUT NO. GREAT CHOICE OF BLUE."

I digress.

Jo suggested I choose something simple to paint so we Google imaged flowers. This is the image we both agreed would a) look nice from a first timer and b) not be so incredibly frustrating we'd stab ourselves in the eyes with our elbows.

I had bought my own canvas and Jo was generous enough to share her paints. During our painting lesson, she was extremely patient with me. Man, it takes forever to blend and shade and show depth and you know, display an overall talent! It was pretty difficult for this newbie but with some great coaching, it slowly started coming along:

Precision really does pay off because in a little more time, the entire flower was done!

Folks, that is a legitimate F$@%@$@ flower RIGHT there!

I unfortunately didn't get a chance to finish the background, but I did get halfway. Hopefully Jo's patience with me will extend to another night and I'll have created my masterpiece.

It might sound really goofy, but it felt so good to..well...create art. And of course, this little painting of mine might not fit your definition of art but to me, it works.

I CREATED ART.

And that, my friends, is pretty cool.

Stay tuned for news about Dec. 16 (a.k.a" The Mystery Event Formerly Known as Dec. 23").

<3,

m

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing!

Oh, blog! Please don't think I've forsaken you. Especially on this holiest of holy Blog months, NaBloPoMo.

There is no excuse for an absence in posting...but I'll make one anyways. I've been busy! And, I'm happy to admit, I've been working on/planning on the completion of a few numbers.

But which one am I currently pursuing at the moment?

#27: TAKE A COUPLE'S DANCE CLASS

First off, some clarification: I'm not part of "a couple". When 2008 Marisa wrote the list, her goofy romanticism anticipated that she probably would be at this point in her life. Fact is, I'm not and I don't particularly want to be. Why was I waiting around on the universe to grant me something and someone to complete my own list? Oh, 2008 Marisa. You never learn, do you.

I am, however, always game for dancing so I decided to re-interpret this number. What if I enrolled in a class that, yes, requires partnering, but in a fun, non-intimidating/ kind of way? Ya dig? So I of course had to go with...

SWING DANCING!

A dance form that is truly where it's at, you swell cats and dolls. Ehm, dudes..and girls. Hep hipsters and...oh god, I wouldn't be cool enough in the '40s, either.

I decided to enroll in the Beginner's Swing Class at Bee's Knees Dance for the month of November. The first class is always free and after that, each hour-long class is only $10. I could learn a new skill with only $10! Swing -or specifically The Lindy Hop- is also a dance form that doesn't require a partner and features "social dancing", so you're always swinging from one partner to another. And yes, that's what she said. My friend Kevin volunteered (re: was voluntold) to try out the class with me, which was great seeing as how new experiences are made even better with friends. Also, if I managed to break my neck during the class, I at least had someone I knew to tell my mom I loved her and to take care of my Grade 7 recorder.

Everyone in the class was super. freakin. nice. For many, it was their first class as well and we all shared the giddy nervousness experienced by kids on their first day of grade school. No matter how scared I was, I could always rely on the comforting thought that I had 14 years of dance experience behind me and a decade-long hiatus wouldn't have really affected me, right?

I got my ass handed to me.

That's probably an exaggeration, but the class wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. The steps were simple enough but I learned I am a terrible follower. Although I bounced happily like an excited puppy from one partner to the next (I literally shoved my hand at each person down the circle and shrieked in number-following bliss "HI!I'MMARISAANDI'MSUPEREXCITEDTOBEHEREISN'TTHISABLAST?"), I had great difficulty in letting go and letting someone else lead. I furrowed my brow and kept time in my head, refusing to let my body just enjoy it. This isn't to say I didn't have an amazing time, because I truly did. The class was a good reminder that, with all new things, there are always challenges...which make it even MORE fun.

It was a great work-out and I'm definitely returning back to the class. I'd recommend it to anyone who just wants to try something different. You don't have to have any sort of dance experience at all and it's a great way to meet new people. New people? I love new people!

Tomorrow is dedicated to another number, but I feel I shouldn't blog about it until it's complete.

And then...there's Dec. 23.

What's Dec. 23?

Oh. Stay tuned, my friends. Stay tuned.

<3,

m

#49: Write a TV Pilot

If you'd like to write your own TV pilot but don't know where to begin, I highly recommend Scripped.com. The free online writing software offers helpful writing templates for plays, sitcoms, and films while also giving you the option to colloborate with writers across the globe.

<3

m

By the numbers

In conversing with friends about my list and this in-progress blog, the same question keeps coming up: Why isn't your list posted?

Well, the truth is, I don't have a very good answer for that. Perhaps because I thought it would be neat to slowly and dramatically reveal what each task was per post. However, as I look at the looming September 26, 2011 deadline, I know I must dive in and that slowly revealing each task post by post is no longer an option.

Perhaps I also feared that many of these tasks would be seen as goofy, vain, or just plain ridiculous. But if I've learned anything this past week, it's that I can't be defined by other people's perceptions of me. I can control what I do and what I feel, but not if acquaintances and loved ones think this project and how it affects me is silly.. Lucky for me, a lot of them DON'T feel that way, so why should I hesitate on making my list public?

So without further ado, here is a list of numbers that I have YET to accomplish. Some are artistic, some are challenging, some are social - all are for personal growth. Maybe you'll read them and have information on the best means of accomplishing them. Maybe you would even like to accomplish them with me! Here goes:

STILL TO DO:

5. Write 3 more plays and 3 screenplays, including the film adaptation for my play, "Ad".

6. Adopt an animal from a shelter.

8. Complete Tony Horton's P90X from beginning to end, properly.

12. Let my eyebrows and eyelashes STAY in.

13. Learn to skate.

16. Go camping.

17. Plant a tree.

18. Go to Disneyworld.

23. Take a creative writing workshop.

25. Learn to make all the recipes my mom makes.

28. Go to TIFF.

29. Write a manuscript.

33. Dedicate 20 minutes every morning to stretching or yoga.

35. Have a summer picnic.

39. Go on a road trip with friends.

40. Dye my hair a crazy colour.

41. Take responsibility for my own taxes.

42. Become a better debater.

44. Improve my French.

45. Have an educated, well-researched opinion on current issues.

46. Gather enough courage and do karaoke sober.

47. Host a fancy, formal dinner party for my friends.

48. Treat myself to a day at the spa.

51. Make a Cawthra-esque "Doctor Who" musical.

52. Make out in the rain.

57. Take a self-defense course.

58. Send a postcard to Post Secret.

60. Ride a horse. Save a cowboy.

61. See a Broadway show.

63. Start up a Youtube comedy show.

64. Skinny-dip. (sorry, mom!)

65. Volunteer at an animal shelter.

68. Get henna-ed up.

70. Go to Niagara Falls for the weekend with friends.

72. Stay up all night to watch the sunrise.

73. MORE LASER QUEST.

74. Go to a meditation class.

75. DANCE BATTLE (I have no idea what this means, but it was written in caps on my list, so it must be intense.)

77. Start and complete a memory scrapbook.

79. Go back to Scooter's Roller Palace!

83. Become a stronger singer and be involved in a musical.

84. Do a touring theatre show.

85. Aim to raise $10,000 for Fly By Night Theatre.

86. Stay out all night dancing.

87. Learn a new word everyday.

90. Donate blood.

92. Identify 25 things I like about myself.

94. Play Harper in a production of Angels in America.

97. Have a proper Valentine.

98. Get published.

99. Volunteer or intern at Nightwood.

100. Go to the Pride parade.

101. Learn to ride a FREAKIN BIKE! (Ah yes, I know many who'd like to help with this feat...but I wonder who is TRULY brave enough?)

You'll see there are a bunch of numbers missing as I've already accomplished them OR I'm in the progress of accomplishing them. (I have 6 numbers on the go at the moment!).

There are also three numbers I am hoping to revise as I feel they have no relevance to who I am anymore:

24. Take an on-camera intensive workshop. - I love performing still, as evidence by a few numbers that remain on my list. I've discovered my love for performing is strictly for leisure and specifically, for theatre. When it comes to film and TV, I much prefer to stay behind the scenes; I l enjoy being on the crew side of this industry, much more than I'd ever expect!

59. Try a chocolate-dipped insect.- I think I was just waving my freak flag here. I have no real interest in doing this and I don't think accomplishing this will teach me anything about myself. Although there are a handful of "ridiculous" and light tasks on my list, no insect was harmed in the making of them!

78. Get a proper demo reel. -See my explanation for number 24.

So in the spirit of updating my list to work alongside my updated sense of self, I've revised the numbers in question (as I did last time in order to have my Honesty Week Blitz):

24. Have a private workshop reading of one of my plays.

59. Throw a charity Christmas party.

78. Have a cute boy serenade me. (I can grow as a person and be flirty, right? Right.)

So, there you go! That is a whoooole heckuva a lot, but I promise to do my best.

And now you know.

<3,

m

Tuning out & Turning In

So before I begin, I`d just like to preface this post by saying I`ve accidentally turned on the `Verr Maj` on my laptop, and it`s completely effing with my typeface...and also making me laugh hysterically.

http:ééé.glutenfreegratitude.blogspot.comé

It makes my URL sound so cultured!

HELLLLOOO SPORTS FANS!

Do not think that a brief blogging absence means I have forsaken this public journal and, more importantly, my project. I have been busy focussing on the very many tasks at hand, especially after realizing that I have less than 11 months now to accomplish 68 tasks, all requiring a varying amount of time, effort, and often, money. However, I`m not stressing over it. I`ve had such a truly brilliant week, chalk-full of realizations. As I type this now, my mind is bustling and my heart is racing with positivity and excitement. I don`t know how to begin in explaining this week of epiphanies, so I`ll start at the very beginning (I hear it`s a very good place to start).

If you scroll down a little bit, you`ll check out my homemade attempt at a VLOG, in which I explained how important it is to let people you know how you feel about them. This doesn`t necessarily have to be in a romantic sense -all good strong social bonds leave you twitter-patedl! Although I experienced some joy in filming said first vlog, the feeling was fleeting as I watched it over. And over. And over. Something just wasn`t right. Despite the good intention behind it, I felt I made a huge misstep.

It was hypocritical to take to a webcam and ask others to be brave when I couldn`t be. There was - and is - much in my life I have to be grateful for, particularly the relationships I have. I rarely let people know how important and influential they are to me, possibly out of a fear that they`ll think I`m even goofier than I actually am. But that`s no excuse. You can`t live a life that`s defined by the perceptions of others - that`s no life at all.

So I took a good, long hard look at my list. As previously mentioned, I`m revising a few numbers that I feel no longer would provide any merit in accomplishing. I decided to cross out a task that provides no challenge or inspiration (I won`t mention it here as it`s too embarassing for words) and replace it with this:

number 69: HONESTY BLITZ WEEKEND

What, the wild deuce, is an honesty blitz ? (Can I just say I literally had to copy and paste that question mark from a free online Unicode character map. DAMN YOU, VERR. MAJ.!) An honesty blitz was, for me, a free pass to let the people I know and love (or sometimes, just know) realize that they were great. It was an opportunity for me to blurt out sincere compliments and anecdotes, without fearing my friends would think I was crazy, insincere, or inebriated. Whether I said it in person, on the phone, through a text message, or on Facebook, I knew I needed to let people know. Time is fleeting and you`ll never know the next time you`ll have to connect with any given friend. I called it my ``Honesty Week of Awesomeness!`` as I a) decided to expand it to a week and b) wanted to be solely positive. . Now was not the time for confrontation. Yes for ``I just want you to know that I cherish our friendship and think you`re brilliant!`` No to `Remember that time in Grade. 5 you threw your apple at me during Social Science? No? Well, I still hope your arms fall off and you get eaten by a dragon.``

Some moments of honesty were easy. Some were difficult. Some I haven`t yet completed. However, I noticed something truly fascinating: being sincere and telling someone that they``re awesome feels awesome. Now, perhaps that was the most basic statement ever typed. But if it was and being honest with people is so great, why was I waiting just now to tell important people they`re important? In doing so, I felt like my relationships became stronger because people suddenly knew how much they meant to me. While compliments on a base level are always fun to receive, it`s the feeling of knowing you belong and make an impact on someone`s life that carries more weight. So I let myself gush, and amongst many: I told childhood friends they were great because anyone who has enough patience to befriend me for over 2 decades is really great; I told my mom I loved her because I don`t tell her nearly enough; I told a cute boy he was cute, a former boyfriend he was fantastic, and a great guy that I like...well, I told him what I had to tell him.

And after every word was said or typed, I felt an immediate high that hasn`t yet left. In fact, I`ve been smiling inexplicably all week despite the chilly weather, sleep deprivation, slacking off on my health and diet, etc. etc. I`ve been too busy feeling genuinely happy.

Now, this task isn`t over. Far from it. Its importance on my list is actually motivated by something that has completely inspired me.

While at Chapters, searching for books that would help me tackle my number 71, a delightfully baby blue book caught my eye as I passed the Self-Help section. I`m now mid-way through Gretchen Rubin`s `The Happiness Project`and I adore it. The fact that I`m enjoying it is somewhat shocking to me; I`m sometimes so skeptical of self-improvement, I write plays about it.

I figured that since I`m already immersed in a self-improvement project, there`d be no harm in purchasing in the book . And it`s amazing! The author chronicles a year in which she, quite scientifically, analyzes and puts into practice things that are believed to be the essence of happiness. Whether they relate to her career, marriage, friendship, spirituality or simply to her sense of play, she derives a gameplan to tackle each month with specific, hopefully-enlightening resolutions. Some fail grandly, but for the most part, she succeeds in her quest to find happiness.

There are some fundamental truths found in this book about happiness and self-awareness that really resonate with me. As I read it, I find that I`m viewing my list (and on a grander scale, my life) with a renewed sense of energy and love. The fact that I just happened to come across the chapter on friendships and letting important people know they`re important after I was determined on my honesty blitz weekend proved that I was on the right path with my list revisions.

So in keeping with the spirit of the book and my own 101 list, I`ve decided to tune out - number 39: no TV for a week - to tune in - to my list, to my perspective, and to my own Tenants of Happiness.

To the left, you`ll see a new list. It`ll work alongside my already existing challenge list. Having it on my bedroom door and seeing it as I leave my room every day is a reminder of what the entire point of my `101 Things to Do in 1001 Days`is about: achieving happiness. Yes, some tasks are hard. Yes, I won`t accomplish everything perfectly. Yes, this number is expensive, that one is too much effort, why oh why did I not anticipate how tired and busy I`d be in 2 years and why would I ever want to consume a chocolate covered insect!

It perhaps may seem cheesy and potentially vain (why, this whole blog could be perceived as a vanity project), but like I said before: I can`t live a life defined by the perceptions of others. And, thanks to the second number on my list, I`ve felt pretty damn joyful this past week. I`ve paid more attention to what people say. I`ve felt less awkward and self-conscious. I`m more patient in trying situations. I have more energy and am willing to laugh at myself more. My boss even called me perky at work. Which is an adjective normally not associated with my existence.

The fact that I now see this every morning has kept that smile courtesy of my honesty blitz on my face. And this is just the beginning. You`ll see they`re only 6 statements right now, but I can already think of a few I`ve learned, just from this week alone. Liiiike...how I`m a product of my perspective, not of my environment. As I continue to dive into my list (I literally mean dive; I have some really neat things coming up this week!), I`m hoping this will serve as a reminder to start the day off right.

If you`re reading this (or lurking, rather; I seem to be meeting a lot of lurkers), I hope you don`t feel cheated. Nothing concrete has been accomplished, but a whole heck of lot has been learned. As someone who more often enjoys the process more than the result, I know that these small realizations make all the difference in attaining my goals. And knowing that while facing the next 11 months is much more comforting.

Thanks for lurking!

<3,

m

Under construction

I'm currently working on a # that is so incredibly easy and, at the same time, is terrifying. It adheres to the theme of my vlog's message so it does require a bit of courage and yet, I find it ridiculous that it does so.

Explanations to come in a week. There'll be updates on the progress of other numbers before then of course....

<3,

m

Reach out and accidentally throw a bottle at someone

#67 - Send a message in a bottle.

I look like I'm in the middle of a sneeze. Or something else. Hmm.

Anyways, despite the jokes, this is a really important one.

Thanks for lurking.

Being thankful & Making it work (#55)

Happy Turkey Weekend, lovelies!

In the spirit of the holiday and this blog, I've decided to first post a little inventory on the many things I am thankful for this year.

A little under a year ago, I was miserable. My health wasn't in a good place, I was unemployed and aimless, endometric pain dictated what I couldn't and could do, and I was in an unhappy relationship (although there's no need to take to a public blog and talk much about that - my mama taught me better than that - and I hope the party involved is genuinely happy now.) I was not living life to its fullest potential and I did not feel good about myself.

Did I mention I had H1N1? I totally had H1N1.

By the end of the year, I vowed that 2010 would be different. I wanted to feel okay with myself and my life journey - whatever that would entail. I swore that I would make an effort to take better care of myself, dive into a career (by literally just asking), and start to appreciate the wonderful things I have a little bit more.

I am not only thankful for, but truly blessed in having such truly spectacular friendships. I have the honour of knowing so many compassionate, creative, funny and kind human beings that have let me into their lives and have made me feel comfortable enough to let into mine. This year, I've had the good fortune of maintaining such strong friendships while re-kindling a few from the past AND making new ones, whether from work or play. It might sound naive, but knowing and befriending such positive people continues to make me believe in goodness and natural humanity; by association, it is a constant inspiration to be the best person I can while always challenging my concept of self.

I am thankful for my beautiful and strong mother. She makes me feel like it's okay to be who I am, even when I don't believe it. She has endured so much in her life and yet she always puts others before herself. Nerdy as it may be, I secretly love that I'm becoming just like her - bookworm-y and all.

I am thankful for the employment opportunities I've had this year and the great benefits they provided. While working at the Young Centre was by no means the start of a career for me, I met some truly fabulous artists and friends there, had the opportunity to see *free* theatre, and worked in an encouraging environment. Also, teaching children musical theatre was something I never thought I'd ever do, but I quickly saw how inspired they were by music and performing, and as a result, loved every minute of it. I loved being someone these tiny humans could rely on, learn from, and talk to. AND, since kids really do say the darn-dest things, it was pretty hilarious too.

I am thankful for the career path I am starting on and to my employer. She took a chance on a girl who just randomly emailed her late one night, asking for an internship. By no means is this job easy or glamourous, but I love struggling and learning and feeling like I'm contributing to an ever-evolving industry. I also feel like I'm putting my degree to work, which is better than using it as a coaster, as originally intended.

I am thankful for the outlets of artistic expression I've enjoyed. Acting in two shows, directing two others, and starting to write my fourth play has been fulfilling in a way I didn't think possible. I was thrilled to work with so many amazing, humble artists who all came together in each different project to make it the greatest it could possibly be.

I am thankful for my health, beyond any physical ailment. In regards to emotional and psychological well-being, I feel I'm in a good place. Moreso than ever, I like what I see in the mirror; I am getting comfortable with my imperfections and flaws, as they make me ...me. I may strive to always be better and as a result, belittle myself, but at the end of the day, I know I try my best to be good and kind and enjoy my existence and I know that's what matters in the end.

I am thankful for moments. Those moments of realization or feeling that this thing, whatever it may be, is so significant, so enjoy it. A moment of comfort, or of knowing how really fortunate you are, or how your life will never be the same. Those moments of connection with people - friends, strangers, whoever - where you don't feel alone, but understood and inspired. Those moments, I'm thankful for.

Now, I hope this doesn't seem boastful. I'm thankful for the heaping doses I seem to endure - willingly or otherwise - on a daily basis. But, should I ever be sad or angry or doubtful, I need to remind myself that I have a ton of reasons to just breathe and smile and continue my day.

So...that's my inventory. Thanks for lis...reading?

Anyways.

So what exactly is #55 and how does it tie into being thankful? Well...you may think it's a stretch but...

#55: Learn to strut in high heels

"Oh Grilled Cheesus", you think. Here was this post that started so beautifully for once and it's about to spiral into non-sequitur logic about Louboutins...

Well, no. Let's go back. A year ago, heels and me, we weren't friends. Not only did I despise the way my legs looked, I couldn't walk across the room without wobbling. Heels bring out that that sexy, confident side of a woman that I would argue I just don't have. Heels are for girls who know what they want, know they look good, and don't mind heads turning when they strut into a room. Marisa? Nah.

But you fake it until you make it. This year has presented a lot of opportunities to pretty myself up and put myself out there. And while I wouldn't attribute clubbing or dating to personal change, they've both inspired me to start seeing myself in a different way and, more importantly, that given the right context, to accept that it is totally okay to be that sexy, confidant woman who struts into the room.

So I don't wobble anymore. And while I certainly don't want to be the spotlight in the room - more often than not, you will catch me with my head down while strutting - I am learning that it's okay to be who I am in my skin. To be who I am in my own heels. (*DRUM BEAT!* Hiyoooo).

Obviously, I'm still my nerdy, quirky self...but if you see me at the club...don't think I won't strut on by you and smile.

Happy Turkey/Tofurkey nom-noms, everyone!

<3,

m