46. Gather enough courage and do karaoke sober.

When I was about 4 or 5, I received a microphone for Christmas. I can't recall if the gift was from a family friend or from "Santa". If it was from the latter, then clearly both my parents were on the Naughty List because I would not shut up.

I sang my little heart out during one particular holiday gathering in an attempt to drown out whatever sort of intelligent conversation was going on around me. My parents would usher their friends into the house where I'd verbally assault them with song. It was pretty typical behaviour for me when I was younger. As an only child, I discovered that an extroverted (re: loud) nature won me friends faster than being bashful. Although, I did pull out the shy and cutesy "Will you be my friend?" approach on a few occassions. Okay, okay, so that's still how I cultivate friendships as an adult...

By the time puberty rolled around, I was smacked upside the head with self-consciousness. Delicious awkward, depressed, self-consciousness. My love of performing wasn't enough to distract me from the terror I started to feel everytime I was in the spotlight. Dance recitals, speech nights, school plays - yuck, yuck, and yuck. And while being a high school drama major taught me how not to corpse on the boards, it couldn't help shake that nauseating fear of public speaking and...well....singing.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a singer. While this does not stop me from indulging in the occasional/habitual shower performance, it definitely makes me self-aware that I shouldn't sing in public. Ever. Now in reading this, you might think this is another fine/poor example of my self-depricating humour, so I'd ask you instead to inquire about my skill to those who have had the privilege of hearing me sing. Oh wait. You can't. Because those people are still BLEEDING FROM THE EARS.

I digress.

My fear of performance surprises a lot of people as I enjoy acting and went to post-secondary for it. I can only offer this rambling explanation: it's much easier for me to be in the spotlight as someone else as opposed to myself, where I know that any public judgement will affect me personally. If anyone's going to ridicule me, it's going to be myself, and by jove, I'm going to the be the first to do it. How dare others get the opportunity to do it before I can!

Because I so clearly hate myself, I decided that a fantastic challenge for my list would be to not just speak in public, but to sing in public. Oh, and not just to sing in public, but to sing in public without a drop of liquid courage. Thus, in something of a last minute number challenge, I decided that I would tackle sober karaoke last Thurs., Dec. 30, 2010 - a day that will forever live in infamy.

Now if you're expecting a miracle and that I'll suddenly sound like an angel in the proceeding video, well.... you are just in for a treat!

The point is, no matter how many cats sounded like they were being strangled, I got up there, opened myself to criticism, and enjoyed the opportunity to look ridiculous and goofy. Most importantly, I discovered the fun in doing something that induces fear, vulnerability, and often, alcoholism.

I, of course, had a great support system of friends.
And a shot right after my performance.

<3,
m

Video courtesy of Kevin Munro, available for all your sound engineering and blackmail documentation needs.